isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
