the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
