when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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