my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
