My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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