I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
