pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
