Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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