Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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