i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Terrible idea I love it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
