Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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