It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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