And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
