it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
