i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
