Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
