It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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