come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
