I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
