our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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