i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
