How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
