I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
