I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
