you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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