WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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