The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
