Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my being single is dangerous.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
