I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
