Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
one two three fourrrrnication!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
