Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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