dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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