I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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