And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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