i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
