Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
