I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
