in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
