He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We left the knife in your bed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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