My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
