Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
