There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
