I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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