If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it's like iHOP with fire
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
