i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
