Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
