She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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