Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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