Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
now i know why i became what i already was.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
