I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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