There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
