Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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