god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My ass is underappreciated
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
