you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I looked at my own cervix.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
