Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
