Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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