wanna go halves on a baby?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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